im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
