We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
