I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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