i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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