what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
