There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
