Will you blow on my dice?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
