her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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