2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
