i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
