Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
