i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
