Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
