so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
