her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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