I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
