I look better un-naked...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
