i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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