You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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