i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
