You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
