Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
