After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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