Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
