How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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