My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
