its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
