She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
