The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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