Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
