Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
