Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
