just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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