Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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