So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize