Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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