You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
