Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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