Tell her she can't have a vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
