Pants 0. Shit 1.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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