so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
