He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
