you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize