uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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