i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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