i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
