I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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