I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize