I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize