No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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