I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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