I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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