I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
