I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
