she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
