Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
