Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
