Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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