I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
