would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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