East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize