pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
