so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
