just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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