nut hugger
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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