I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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