Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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