why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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