why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
