My first STD was from a foam party
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
