Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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