I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
