you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
