I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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