I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
