I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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