he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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