the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
