guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
