I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize