My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
