Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
