We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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