just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
