I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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