wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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