there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
