a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
