it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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