At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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