she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
