HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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