Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize