she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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