Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
